National Food of the Damned…

I’ve found a fascinating website called Foodimentary that posts the National ‘Food-of-the-day’ list. It amused me to wonder what my diet might be if I ate my meals based solely on the national food of the day. So let’s look at what October would mean for our collective dietary intake: 

October 1 & 2 must be National “Take a wild guess” Day, because they’re not listed. And frankly you should be pretty grateful right now. I know. I’ve peeked ahead and I’d recommend something green and leafy and/or full of nice lean protein. Heck, any protein at all would do.

October 3 – National Taco Dayokay around here it’s probably bean based since I’m a vegetarian and the carnivores are too damn lazy to cook meat on their own. But that’s good. It’s a healthy start. Woot! Go October.

October 4- is another freebie. I’d recommend Kale. A lot of it. You’ll need it soon enough.

October 5 – National Apple Betty Day.  Since you’ve been eating healthy all month, go ahead, enjoy the cinnamony goodness. An apple a day- right?

October 6 – National Noodle Day. Well, I’m not going to begrudge you your tuna surprise, however we both know that all that refined flour in the noodles is just going to break down in your system into a simple sugar sending your pancreas spiking off the charts. But go ahead. The crumbled potato chips on top are a nice touch.

October 7 – National Frappe DayIt’s still Indian summer around here – so the frozen beverage is probably pretty refreshing. But don’t kid yourself there is no way to spin this one. But you can drink up and feel a little smug because at least it isn’t…

October 8 – National Fluffernutter Day – wow. It’s like finding comedy gold, if comedy gold was jars of sticky white marshmallow paste made from sugar and the rendered hooves from Mr. Ed. Kind of writes itself.

October 9 – National Blue Cheese Day – you guys with your hands still shoved in the fluffernutter jars are probably backing away in horror here. For the rest of you I hope you’re having this sprinkled over a nice Cobb Salad.

October 10 – National Angel Food Cake Dayor as I like to call it the “why bother” of the dessert world. Save yourself some time and just spread a little canned frosting over a kitchen sponge.

October 11 – National Sausage Pizza Day – I can’t even complain here. You’ll be thanking your stars if you stock up on the cheesy sausagey goodness while you can.

October 12 – National Pumpkin Pie Day – this almost counts as a vegetable.

October 13 – National Peanut Festival Day – this one confuses me. Are we not allowed to eat the peanutty goodness? They’re just letting us press our noses against the chain-link fence, watching everyone else stroll around the peanut festival with their peanut butter and fluffernutter sandwiches?

October 14 – National Chocolate Covered Insect Day – Thank goodness, protein! Even if it is wrapped in chocolaty goodness.

October 15 – National Mushroom Day – Wahoo! A vegetable! A potentially deadly vegetable, well fungus – but it’s not sugar.

October 16 – National Liqueur DayThis is my kind of day. If we’re talking about sugar let’s make sure it’s the fermented kind.

October 17 – National Pasta Day – Hallelujah. I can smell the garlic from here. Yum.

October 18 – National Chocolate Cupcake Day – I’m just going to keep my judgy mouth clamped shut around this delicious chocolate ganache cupcake. Carry on.

October 19I suspect we’re all rolling around in chocolate coma today. Eat whatever you can find.

October 20 – National Brandied Fruit Day – are you still rolling around the floor from the last two days? Yes? Good. I’d just stay down while you load up on these delights.

October 21 – National Pumpkin Cheesecake Day  – this will stick with you for a while. Since we’ve taken away two of November’s traditional desserts, I wonder what’s left for them? National Chocolate Rabbit Day? Seems wrong.

October 22 – National Nut Daymmmmm Pistachios. Fat and Protein, go ahead you can mess this perfect balance with sugar and salt if you insist. I like the ones covered in chili powder.

October 23 – National Boston Cream Pie Day – Hey, a heavy sugary dessert. How surprising.

October 24 – National Bologna Day – Word. Honestly, couldn’t they find a food or food festival to nominate? Tsk.

October 25 – National Greasy Foods Day – also known as the traditional American diet.  Please, can you at least stay away from the deep fried twinkies?

October 26 – National Mincemeat Pie Day – I understand why we find this at the end of October, everyone finds mincemeat scary.

October 27 – National Potato Day – finally a vegetable we can all agree on. I’ll just say yes.

October 28 – National Chocolate Day – Let’s be honest. There are monuments to chocolate in homes all across this country. I’m keeping my mouth shut and my dark chocolate with chili flakes close.

October 29 – National Oatmeal Day –  After the eating month we’ve just had, we all need this. And more than one bowl. And without the maple syrup, the butter, and the brown sugar on top

October 30 – National Candy Corn Day – Honestly. Do people even eat this stuff? Sure it’s cheap and festive and at least you can be confident that it will be the very last treat your tyke will be eat over Halloween.

October 31 – National Candy Apple Daywell it’s close to being a fruit, if your idea of fruit is an old apple dipped in molten sugar. This treat is the boogeyman of Halloween trick-or-treating nationwide, destined to a one-way trip to the waste bin.

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Happy Halloween everyone! Hope you made it out of this month with your stomach intact.

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